Rain on me

Every 2 minutes, another American is sexually assaulted. 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will be victims of sexual assault or rape in their lifetime.
Almost 2/3 of rapes were committed by someone known to the victim.
38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
28% are an intimate.
It's estimated that 60% of rapes go unreported- even more so in non-stranger rape.

I am a statistic. I am also one of those in the cases that were reported. I was never believed by anyone who had the power to do anything about it.
My counselor believes me. The victim's advocate as well. The forensic nurse that spent 6-8 hours with me, listening to my story as she got whatever evidence she could from my body believes me.

The police, however, still don't. My case will never go to trial. He will never be convicted for what he did to me. The only justice I have is not letting it destroy who I am, and my will to make it out not only alive, but as me.

I couldn't even get the court to grant me a restraining order against him. I was told by the judge to not go near him, not call him, not go to his place of business, just avoid him. And if he were to approach me, come after me? I was instructed to go the other way.

I was told by the detective to just 'admit' that I made it up, that I was jealous that he wouldn't lose his girlfriend to be with me, that I just wanted to get back at him. That I'd done this willingly and realized after the fact that I'd made a mistake, and this was my way of 'fixing' it. That I didn't really want to ruin an innocent person's life and future over my mistake.

My mistake. Yes, Next time I'll make sure to advertise that there is a possibility I'll run to the police and report it as rape. Because, you know, people like firefighters and police officers and EMT's and doctors would never do something as heinous as committing a rape.

So really, I'm just over reacting. Well, I find it interesting that El Medio told him to leave after this. Apparently they believe something is wrong. Of course, I'm just faking my trust issues, the crying and sobbing when I tell my story, the pain of having my heart, soul and everything I knew and believed ripped from me. I am just that good. At one point, I cared. I cared that they didn't believe me, I was willing to do nearly anything so that they would. Now, I don't. If they don't believe me, well that's shitty for them. I did what I was supposed to, to the best of my ability. I can't make anyone believe what they don't want to. When he does this again, that blood is on them, not me.

What I have a problem with is people's perception of rape. Most rapes are not stranger rape. 2/3 of rapes that occur are by people who are known to the victim beforehand. I was not kidnapped- I wasn't startled or taken by force. He used my trust and our relationship and past against me. He took my simple, whole hearted trust that he would not harm, or allow anyone or anything else to harm me, and turned that against me.

And even though most rapes are not instigated by a stranger, convincing a jury of an acquaintence rape is next to impossible.

This is 2008, not 1708. We as a culture and society should be past the stigmatisms that acquaintence rape just does not happen. There are monsters out there, and we are enabling them to keep doing what they're doing, to keep drugging and intoxicating and ruining lives to get what they want.

Think of all the women you know. Do you know 6? 12? 50? 100? Think of your mom, your sisters, aunts, cousins, best friends- imagine for every 6 of those women you know, at least 1 of them has either been raped or sexually assaulted, or will be in their lifetime.

True life-1 in 6 of all women will be raped or sexually assaulted at some point in their life. You may never know it. Why? This isn't just casual conversation. It's not something that just 'comes up'. It's not an acceptable topic. and I can't tell you that I know one person that went through this or something similar that isn't scared for one reason or another. I've lost people over this- not because I talked about it, but it changed me, and I couldn't stop it. And the ones I lost didn't care enough to inquire as to what was wrong, why I'd changed, and I wasn't about to use 'I was raped' as a sympathy line to keep them around.

In fact, I didn't write this to garner sympathy. I didn't do this for myself. I did this for the ones who are too afraid to speak up, who are afraid they won't be believed, or no one will listen, or that there's no one to help them. I may have gotten through this, but there is someone out there who won't. Someone who doesn't have the resources they need to live through the tragedy and survive. Those are the ones I worry about, I pain over. There is always someone there, 24/7. There are rape crisis hotlines and centers, and RAINN.org has listings of counselors and even an online help center to get you what you need. You are not the only one.


And if you've read this far, his name is Jason Scott Long. He's 27, 6'2", 180 Lbs. I don't know where he's currently living, but I'm guessing it's in Northern California, probably Chico. He's worked construction and just graduated from the fire academy, and is probably going through the POST academy to become a fire investigator. Oh yeah, and he's a cocky son of a bitch.